You're earring is so big in my mouth
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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