WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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