you would pick up someone in the library
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
