google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
