I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
