I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize