Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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