My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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