I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
