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If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
