we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
