please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
