is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
