Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
