why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
