you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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