Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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