I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
