Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
