I faked an abortion last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
