Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need moral support for this bender
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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