was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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