my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude i'm inner monologue high
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
