What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
