So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
