yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck appropriateness.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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