batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
