I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
