You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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