Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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