we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
