my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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