I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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