final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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