he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
sex in a hospital.. check
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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