So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
