Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
