dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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