last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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