Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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