She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
