Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
third nipple confirmed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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