i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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