xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
