i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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