oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
