Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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