He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
