ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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