I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
