Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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