Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
