I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
