I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
