Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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