I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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