Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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