No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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