i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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