Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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