I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
