I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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