got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
