It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
